I saw you yesterday. You literally stopped me in my tracks. You’ve always had that effect on me. Seriously, at that moment, all the memories came flooding before my eyes in a split second. Especially the ones we had at that very place where I saw you. One of my most memorable moments with you. We walked into the store, and out of no where you push me up against the pillar, in the dimly-lit room, and kissed me like you meant it.
I still remember how your fingers intertwined with mine, and how well it fit. You’re the one that got away. You are my what if.
I saw my dad cry for the first time earlier today. Like, really cry, ballin’ his eyes out. It was absolutely one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to see. When my auntie broke the news to him, it broke him. He literally fell on his knees and balled his eyes out. I couldn’t help but do so as well. I joined him on the hospital floor, crying and hugging him. I don’t know how much more my dad can take. It’s like his world is just crumbling all around him, piece by piece. I just don’t want him to suffer anymore.
On a lighter note now that I think about it, it was pretty awkward because at that moment, a nurse came in to change the bed sheets for my mom. He comes in and was like oh wow you have some more visitors [cheerfully, of course]. My mom was like this is my sister and son, referring to my auntie and I. And he was all like oh nice to meet you guys. I had my back turned to him and didn’t want to turn around to say hi because I didn’t want him to see me like that. So he was there just minding his own business doing his thing, and then there was me and my dad in the corner, tears and all. About 5 long minutes of awkward silence hah.
Anyways, last month when a similar incident happened, he decided to stay with my mom instead of fly to the PI. This time, he’s going. Cancelled all his appointments and booked a flight to leave tomorrow for two weeks. My auntie extended her vacation here from Canada for another week to help take care of my mom.
On another brighter note, my mom ended up going through her 5th session of chemo today. She’s almost done.. Just one more to go. That’s a whole great deal of relief, I’ll tell you that much.
I like how the people of tumblr take advantage of some pretty messed up/sad situations so they could have something intriguing to post up. For example: Someone actually took the time to take pictures of an old married couple as one was dying/dead in a hospital bed. Then taking pictures of the person(s) crying. Really? Is taking pictures like that really that important to you? Or how about one I just saw of this person’s nephew who accidentally spilled boiling water on himself and has second degree burns. Something in that person’s head told them to take pictures of him in that state of pain AND post it online. Stop fishing for attention, notes, sympathy, recognition. It sickens me.
Some people just don't know how to watch a scary movie
So PA3 just came out and, as expected, tons of people were hating on it, saying it wasn’t scary, that it was stupid, and they laughed most of the time, that the first 2 were better, you know the same shit they were saying when the first two came out. Nigga, what’s wrong with you? What the hell do you find scary then? When I watch any movie, be it action, drama, horror, or whatever, I immerse myself in it. I love watching movies. Yes I can get loud, and even annoying during movies [I’ve learned to control that lol] but hell, I’m getting my money’s worth and I’m enjoying that shit to the fullest. I try to get the jokes and shit they make in comedies, however lame it may be. I LET myself get scared of a scary movie. That’s the point! That’s why you go watch them! Don’t sit there and point out all this shit like ‘OH THAT’S FAKE. YOU CAN TOTALLY TELL THAT’S FAKE.’ Cunt, of course it is. It’s a fucking movie *facepalm /)__- And then you sit there and laugh at it. Seriously, wtf? If you wanted to laugh at a movie, go watch a fuckin’ comedy, stupid. Don’t sit there trying to be all HAM, act like that shit isn’t scary. You must not be afraid of anything if horror movies don’t scare you. Granted, yes, there are just some that are pretty lame. But don’t act like all of them are. But hey, you’re the one wasting your money going to see a scary film and laugh at it. A lot of you already had that preconceived idea that PA3 was going to be “lame,” yet you go anyway. smh. That’s why I never take into account of peoples’ opinions on movies. I tend to like majority of the movies I watch because I know how to enjoy them.
My dad and auntie had to bring my mom to the ER again this morning. I got out of class and went to drop some things off to her and see her around 8pm. She was still in the ER, and has been there since 9am. They haven’t gotten her a room yet for whatever reason. She’s in a lot of pain and I hate seeing her like this. If there was any way for her and I to switch places I’d do it. She doesn’t deserve this. Balled my eyes out on the drive home, praying and scolding God for putting her through this. Don’t you dare take her from us. Don’t you fucking dare. I’m just hoping and praying for the best, but can only think of the worst. I need to stop. The doctor and oncologist are going to discuss tomorrow what they plan on doing. So we’ll see. For now, prayers and faith is all I have. I have to be strong for her.
A lot can happen within a span of just a few weeks. It’s almost unbelievable as to how much has happened in just a short amount of time. Is it good or bad, you may wonder. That, my friend, is the predicament on which I have layed my thoughts on these past couple of nights. I guess I’m coming to the conclusion that it is both. Though I’m having a good time, that is all that I am looking for at the moment. And there lies my dilemma. If I continue to push on as things are, it would go against what I set myself to do for the next 8 months. Honestly, I am not willing to jeopardize that at any cost. So I must slow things down before things go beyond repair, and make sure we are on the same page before things progress down a road that neither of us are ready for. No more hasty decisions and impulses. For once, when it comes down to this sort of situation, I’ll be thinking.
I just realized today how oblivious I was to what I never even stopped to think about. We always stress emphasis on how difficult it is for girls to make that decision to take the next step forward into a relationship, but not once did I think about the stress coming from the other side of the relationship.
We never stop to see how the boy takes that extra step forward to confess their feelings about the girl they are interested in. We never stop to see how it is the boy who takes that risk on asking a girl to become much more than a friend. He is the one who swallowed his pride and took a chance knowing that the outcome might be a complete success or a total rebuff.
The boy is willing to gain that courage and put themselves out there completely and honestly, that takes a lot to do. All that goes through their minds is: “Does she like me? Will she say yes? Is it too soon? Am I doing the right thing? What if we’re not on the same page? What then? Will this ruin what we have if she says no? I hope it’s not awkward. I just want her to be mine.”
They leave it all to chance and hope for the best.
A girl who knows her shit. Thank you Jessica for putting that out there.
I’m getting a little tired and irritated of seeing all those posts with the pictures and captions saying shit like ‘you probably won’t reblog this because it will make your blog ugly but you reblog naked bitches all the time so you don’t have a heart’ blah blah bullshit. Then they give you some sob story about how they have this disease/disorder or gone through some horrific accident and now they’re left with one eye and two tongues. My condolences to those people and all, but what does me posting their picture have to do with anything? If it’ll find them a cure, sure. If each reblog or whatever helps raise money for whatever then sure. I’ve already done one about a boy so I was like ok, doesn’t hurt to try. But only because they were nice and sincere and was simply asking for help saying each reblog raises money. They didn’t put anything in the blog to try and make you feel like an ass and apathetic for them.
So no, I’m not reblogging that picture because it’s going to make my blog “ugly,” I’m not reblogging because it isn’t relevant to anything that pertains to me or my interests at the moment. That, and you just want attention, so no. Reblogging those isn’t your ticket into Heaven. But neither is it your ticket to Hell if you don’t.